Grits and Greens

1. Porter Wagoner/Wagonmaster: THE best album of any genre for this week and probably the entire summer.

2. Bill's Hamburgers/Amory, MS: The "OG" and best hamburger in North Mississippi.

3. The Office Reruns/NBC Thursdays: Like there's a better program on TV--even in reruns, it still blows away the competition.

4. Knocked Up: See it now before the Frat Rats ruin it for everyone.

5. Ben and Jerry's Stephen Colbert's Americone Dreams ice cream: Has anyone tried Willie Nelson's Country Peach Cobbler? It sounds awesome!

6. Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Awwwwww sh@% Harry Potter!

7. Ryan Adams/Easy Tiger: Oh my God y'all---Ryan Adams actually made another great album!!

8. Jones Green Apple Pure Cane Soda
9. Moroccan Fig scented Votivo candles

10. Sly and the Family Stone/Hot Fun In The Summertime: The BEST summer jam ever----for this summer and every summer!

The Whites Stripes saved rock n' roll many moons ago, and true rock fans, such as myself, are forever grateful. I've liked them when they were a blues band, a punk band, an arena rock band and a country band. I'm just not so sure that I love them as Led Zeppelin.
Jack White is a genius and he has proven that time and time again. He knows how to write good songs and how to make them sound great. Perhaps that's my problem with The White Stripe's new album, "Icky Thump."
At first glance, "Icky Thump" is full of big riffs and great guitar tones and wacky keyboards--basically, everything you expect from a White Stripes album. But "Physical Graffiti" and "In Through The Out Door," two late period Zeppelin albums, have these things also. Somehow, it just all seems as if I've heard it before.
That's not to say that there aren't some great moments on the record such as "You Don't Know What Love Is" and "300 M.P.H. Torrential Outpour Blues." But both are pure Zeppelin.There's even a Celtic acoustic number, "Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn", that comes from the same Scottish Highland stomp of "Friends" from "Led Zeppelin III."
I love The White Stripes; I love the brilliance of "White Blood Cells, and I truly love the beauty of the band's last album, "Get Behind Me Satan." However, "Icky Thump" by know means lives up to their past records and in all actuality, it shouldn't.
My problem with "Icky Thump" is basically this: one of my Swedes ripped me Donnie and Marie's "I'm Leaving It All Up To You" from vinyl to MP3. If I'm going to listen to something familiar, I want to hear that record as it was one of my favorites when I was a child (I LOVE AM Radio rock!). At least that record makes me feel warm and happy.
Truth be known, the best record that I've heard this summer is Porter Wagoner's "Wagonmaster." That, is what "Icky Thump" can never be: a classic.
But damn, Jack White can really makes those guitars and keyboards sound great and Meg beats the hell out of those drums.

Bravo's "Top Chef" judges hate the South, as Sandee from Georgia was let go on the latest episode. This comes on the heels of the dismissal of Ol' Clay from Columbus, Mississippi. What the hell, y'all? Oh yeah, Sandee made some something that sounded disgusting.
Sandee, or Ol' Bad Mohawk as she will hence be known, lost a barbecue challenge,as did some cat from Texas! How in the hell can you be from the South and lose a barbecue contest? If you're Ol' Bad Mohwak, you make something called "lobster poached in vanilla-butter with dates." What the f@#k?!
It's not all OBM's fault as the contest was called an "upscale barbecue elimination challenge." Leave it to those sum' bitches at Top Chef to mess up barbecue.
We love barbecue down this way, but poaching is not barbecuing, it's poaching...cooking something in a shallow liquid. Even if you do this over over coals on a grill, it's still not barbecuing.
Anyway, Salman Rushdie's wife and that chick from Canada and Chef Tom and some other asshole had a field day over her dish and in the end, Salman Rushdie's wife told her to "pack her knives and leave," the "your fired" of Top Chef.
OBM currently resides in Miami and I suppose that she should stay there, as she would surely be run out of Georgia for such a culinary travesty.

It's barbecue--it is what it is. To me, an upscale barbecue means that someone stayed up all night slow-smoking a beef brisket. Sometimes in the South they ask if "you want slaw with that?", and that is as upscale as it needs to be.

No sugar, I don't want slaw with that, but thanks for asking.

With all of the BIG movies hitting the screens this summer, it's nice to find that "little" movie that makes a huge impact and no movie has made that impact this summer quite like "Waitress." "Waitress" is an amazing film that I actually didn't want to end and is something that I look forward to seeing again.

"Waitress" was written and directed by Adrienne Shelly, who also plays the affable and lovelorn Dawn. Unfortunately, the talented Shelly was murdered in her New York office/apartment in the fall of 2006 and "Waitress" was released posthumously. "Waitress" was Shelly's labor of love and it is beyond sad that we will never see another film from her. Shelly lit up the screen playing dawn and it breaks my heart that some piece of shit killed her and silenced her voice.

"Waitress" is the story of Jenna, a waitress, played by Kerri Russell, who works in a pie shop in a small southern town. Jenna is also an incredibly talented pie maker who happens to create pies based on her life experiences. Jenna becomes pregnant, something she never wanted, with her abusive, controlling husband's baby, meets a newcomer to town and dreams of winning the $25,000 first prize in a pie-making contest.

The acting in "Waitress" is some of the best that you will see this summer. From Russell and Shelly to Sheryl Hines and Jeremy Sisto, the acting and timing is stellar. However, the biggest surprise of the movie is the brilliant Andy Griffith, who plays the curmudgeonly owner of the pie shop. To me, Griffith's role is Academy Award worthy. He absolutely shines in this film.

I liked everything about "Waitress," from the cinematography and lighting, to the writing and pacing. There are beautiful, sensual scenes of Russell making pies such as the "I hate my husband pie" that are pure genius. Do yourself a favor and let yourself get lost in "Waitress."

For whatever reason, I'm a big fan of Bravo's "Top Chef," although it is a pretentious reality where everyone can out cook and out snark the next asshole. I was quite excited when I saw the first episode of season three and learned that a Clay Bowen from Columbus, MS would be in the cast.

I do not know this Clay person and I had not heard of him until I saw him on television. After briefly getting to know the cast members, judges Tom Colicchio and Salman Rushdie's wife showed up for the "quick-fire challenge," which challenged the competitors to make an amuse bouche, a bite-sized meal starter, from the hors'dovers. I knew that things did not look good for ol' Clay when his amuse bouche was served in a carved-out apple---not necessarily something you can eat in one bite. Clay finished in the bottom three of the challengers. He claimed to have made a fruit gazpacho, but it looked like pieces of whole fruit in a hollowed apple. However, the whole concept of amuse bouche is ridiculous anyway, so you can't blame him for trying.

After a brief soliloquy about his "chef daddy who killed himself 'cause he couldn't handle the pressure," things went from bad to worse for ol' Clay.

This week's elimination challenge was some sort of surf and turf thing that replaced bee and shrimp with wild boar and black chicken and rattlesnake and horse's ass, etc.

It's that same tired concept of "exciting and exotic" food that comes across as very banal and mediocre.

Poor Clay chose to cook some pan-seared wild boar chops with cornbread dressing with scorpion fish and a fried scorpion fish tail, and the plate presentation looked so dry that it made me thirsty. Well, Tom and Mrs. Salman Rushdie and the Canadian chick and guest judge and self-hating narcissist Anthony Bourdain tore ol' Clay a new asshole, stating that his food was "tough, inedible and many other not so pleasant adjectives.

When the proverbial smoked cleared and the dealing was done, Clay, fortunately, was sent home--the first person cut from the show. To me, this was a good thing as I didn't want to sit through an entire season of redneck and Mississippi jokes. Clay, who now resides in Santa Barbara, was sent packing.

I like to experiment with food and I'm always willing to try wild game and food from different countries, etc. However, just because Clay couldn't make a stew with horse ass and sea monkeys doesn't mean that he can't cook, as we are all more likely to eat catfish and collard greens than we are kangaroo and duck wang.

Thanks Clay for giving us hope and stepping up to the plate. I bet that you could have whipped their asses in a biscuit cook-off any day of the week.

Lord of the Twang: The Battle for Middle America, or at least California

The Republican Party received a much needed proverbial shot in the arm this week as former Tennessee senator and actor Fred Thompson has entered the 2008 Presidential race after months of speculation. Thomas joins a host of others including Rudy Giuliani, Arizona Sen. John McCain and Mitt Romney of Massachusetts. This is good news for the GOP as they actually have a viable candidate that can not only win the nomination but the general election in November 2008 as well.
So what does this mean for the Democrats? It means that it is time for Al Gore to go ahead and pony up and jump in the race. Then, and only then, we will Americans have an election that will be finally have the importance and magnitude of the annual Iron Bowl, in which the University of Alabama and Auburn University battle it out in order to make our nation a continued great place to live.
Although this would make for an interesting election for the South, California would be the deciding factor in who goes to the White House. It’s a beautiful thing to fantasize: SAG member Thompson going toe-to-toe with the Academy Award-winning Gore. It’s Clint Eastwood versus Sean Penn, Chuck Norris versus Tim and Susan.
Thompson is basically the only hope for the struggling GOP. McCain and Romney are unelectable, regardless of their pedigrees and the Giuliani is still questionable to many Americans. Thompson is a true conservative and he will be able to get the support and the financing of important conservative groups such the Southern Baptist Association and other Christian-based organizations that are extremely important to Presidential candidates, especially Republicans.
Although Romney may not be electable as President, Thompson would be smart to choose him as his VP. I have no problems with Romney, but I don’t think that the Christian Right is going to support a Mormon candidate. As unfortunate and ridiculous as that sounds, it is the truth, and the Republican candidate cannot afford to lose this support network. However, Romney is by the far the brightest in the GOP field and he would make a welcome addition to anyone’s staff. Then, we put Mitt in the White House in 2012. It’s all part of my plan to control the world.
At the same time, Gore is the only electable Democrat. Hillary Clinton’s diabolical past is going to come back to haunt her and probably in a big, bad way. She has been preparing for this run her whole life and there have been a number of souls crushed along the way. And forget all of the nonsense about Clinton being a woman and a feminist, etc. She has balls of steel and probably a bigger ding-a-ling than most men. Her bid for the White House will self-destruct somewhere along the way, much to the chagrin of Hollywood’s pocket book.
Barack Obama is also an unelectable candidate. He may be a bright senator from Illinois, but he is also something the media has created in hopes of creating some sparks for the Democrats. The Democratic Party has been fledgling and floundering for years now and Obama made it seem exciting once again. This media blitz, however, is not his fault. I look forward to watching his career in politics flourish and shine.
With Clinton and Obama gone, the only real candidate left is John Edwards, the best that the Democrats have, by far. But Edwards’s run on the ticket with John Kerry has all but made him insignificant and that’s a shame. However, Edwards would be a welcome addition to a Gore ticket. Gore-Edwards 2008 has a nice ring to it.

Fred Thompson versus Al Gore: the battle of the South. Keep in mind that Thompson was elected to fill Gore’s Senate seat when he joined the Clinton Presidential ticket. Both candidates, or, possible candidates, have that good ol’ boy aw shuckness about them that people love and find electable. There are both sharp, highly educated Hollywood types that people love as well. I may have a Fred Thompson bumper sticker on my truck, but Al Gore is probably unbeatable. Thompson is the only Republican that would give him a close race. We’ll see…..